Why Same-Sex Marriage is a Threat to Society

...and why we want to keep it that way.

Okay, it's 10 pm, so I'm going to assume that everyone knows what happened already.
The California State Supreme Court upheld the passage of Proposition 8, ratifying the decision made by voters last year to ban same-sex marriage.
If you're into legal jargon and have time to read 185 pages of it (WHAT?! Seems like an awful lot, when "discrimination" is only one word), the pdf can be found here.

Now wait, before you go getting your American Apparel boyshorts into a bunch, consider the direction in which you're focusing your anger. On the surface, it's really easy to become outraged at the blatant refusal of "rights" and the all-too-typical refusal by the government to acknowledge that, yep, queers are people too. But, like everything else, the issue goes much deeper once deconstructed.

1. Majority sucks
And by that, I mean majority rules.
When it comes down to the really bare-bones, unemotional, unsentimental machine that is our lawmaking body, we need to remember that for the California Supreme Court to overturn Prop 8 would be to outright deny the voting process, as well as the power of the people (no matter how wrong they may be). It's that simple. The Court refused to overturn the decision of the public. Imagine if Prop 8 was turned down in November instead, and it was brought to the Supreme Court again, this time to achieve the opposite goal. The very idea that seven people would be able to overturn the decision of thousands (who made the right decision) would be absolutely mortifying, and there would be nationwide protests in the streets.

Oh wait, there already are.

So here's the thing. All this evening there have been protests/rallies/riots (too optimistic?) opposing the Supreme Court's decision. Anger and disappointment and frustrating directed at the seven justices, not at those who in November were really responsible for the passage of Prop 8--the voters, the heterosexist, homophobic culture itself. We shouldn't be rioting in the streets for one day because a court upheld a decision, we should be out and loud and resisting every fucking day because the decision made today is nothing more than a slight reflection of the culture in which we live.

2. "I mean, I'm not surprised, but..."
This has been a resounding qualifier used by queers and our allies all day before stating our disappointment. Doesn't it seem a bit strange that we take it completely for granted that we have no faith in our government to uphold or even grant us rights? Why are we unsurprised that our government refuses to acknowledge us as real people? Just think about that. We are so conditioned to believe that we are undeserving of being treated fairly that we are completely unsurprised that we are not being granted rights. I said it once, and I'll say it again, if the state refuses to accept me as a real person, then I refuse to accept them as my lawmaking body.

To quote a wise (read: badass anarchist) friend:

all i have to say (as per usual) is that government has never seen citizens, but as human capital for their projects of wealth. rights are something given and allowed by the state. fuck rights, i'll take my freedom right from their goddamn hands by any means necessary.

3. I don't believe in Modern Love, or Call It Off
Yeah, that's right. I just simultaneously referenced David Bowie and Tegan and Sara.
So why do we give a fuck about getting married anyway? Please, please don't get me wrong. I am not calling every queer who wants to hit up the chapel (or town hall or whatever) an assimilationist or obsessed with "trying to be straight." I know that, for some people, marriage means a lot in terms of sentiment and love and all those things written on Hallmark cards. And that's fine.

The problem is that one of the main arguments made in favor of same-sex marriage is that the lack thereof is preventing couples from attaining rights (healthcare, visitation rights, ease of adoption, financial aid, etc etc). But allowing same-sex couples to get married is only a band-aid solution to this problem. A straw man, if you will.

It's not the fact that same-sex couples have to fight for marriage equality, it's that marriage is necessary to reap the benefits that the government so graciously allows these couples. This further instills in us the societal idea that marriage is the only way to validate self-worth or success or happiness. Feminists know this already. The battle over marriage not only supports the idea that one can only be acceptable if they follow the old go-to-school-get-married-have-children-be-productive-to-the-state deal, it also takes the sentimental value out of what marriage should be, a symbol of love and committment, not fraud and an easy way to get money from the government.

4. Rebel, Rebel
All that being said, the passage of same-sex marriage would be pretty fucking sweet to throw in the face of heteronormative society. It would force Americans to acknowledge that, yep, we're real and we are redefining the institution that you weilded for so long as a weapon against us. It would be like a big metaphorical middle finger with a wedding band on it.

Yeah, we're real, and we won't shut the fuck up, and we want our freedom, and we have SEX, whoa, yes, scary non-hetersexual sex both in and out of wedlock because we don't give a fuck about your standards of sexual morality. You've already kicked us out of there, and, baby, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Edit: I feel like I may not have clarified the point behind my subject line. Same-sex marriage is a threat to society. Why? Because society is built on patriarchal, homophobic, sexist standards, and allowing da gays to get married would inherently be throwing it in the face of all those things. Essentially, calling something a threat to society is the greatest compliment I can give.

Shakin' (Off) What My Momma Gave Me

I am not genderqueer.

And yes, that has been a real issue tracing back to my childhood, though more prevalently back to the summer when I realized that my predilection for boys' underwear was less (though still very much so) me falling for the trendy wiles of American Apparel and more indicative of the fact that I rarely perceive myself as anything feminine or womanly at all. If anything, for the majority of the time, I simply feel...neutral.

Since coming to American (University this time, not Apparel), I've had a newfound appreciation for androgyny in general, and what I would previously identified as my gender crises became closer to gender-contemplation sessions.

But.
Never ever have a felt more like a woman than on Sunday morning, when before church, my mother stopped me in the kitchen and told me that, as long as I remained in the house, I would have to "look like a girl."

What. the fuck. is that supposed to mean?

Apparently to her it meant changing out of my old-school Adidas kicks into a pair of black flats that actually looked cute with my black skinny jeans, and that I possibly would have worn on my own, had they not been forced upon me for the sake of convincing the world of my gender.

I realized then that it was ridiculous for me to try to "look" like a woman, because I already felt like one.
And not to pull the identity card, but as a lesbian and a feminist...well, I think I know what a woman feels like.

So how dare anyone tell me what it is to be one.
I will admit that maybe (just maybe) my presentation does not exactly adhere to the stereotype by which one would judge femininity, but gender isn't how you look, it's how you feel.
And besides, why, as an empowered and independent female, would I bother presenting myself in a way that would be judged "feminine" when the idea of femininity was constructed in order to oppress women to begin with?

So yes. I am a woman, though unconventionally so.
And it's better that way. Why conventionalize your own identity, or any identity at all?
Diversification and queering of the feminist movement. It's real. It's here. So lock up your daughters.
Or don't.