Shakin' (Off) What My Momma Gave Me

I am not genderqueer.

And yes, that has been a real issue tracing back to my childhood, though more prevalently back to the summer when I realized that my predilection for boys' underwear was less (though still very much so) me falling for the trendy wiles of American Apparel and more indicative of the fact that I rarely perceive myself as anything feminine or womanly at all. If anything, for the majority of the time, I simply feel...neutral.

Since coming to American (University this time, not Apparel), I've had a newfound appreciation for androgyny in general, and what I would previously identified as my gender crises became closer to gender-contemplation sessions.

But.
Never ever have a felt more like a woman than on Sunday morning, when before church, my mother stopped me in the kitchen and told me that, as long as I remained in the house, I would have to "look like a girl."

What. the fuck. is that supposed to mean?

Apparently to her it meant changing out of my old-school Adidas kicks into a pair of black flats that actually looked cute with my black skinny jeans, and that I possibly would have worn on my own, had they not been forced upon me for the sake of convincing the world of my gender.

I realized then that it was ridiculous for me to try to "look" like a woman, because I already felt like one.
And not to pull the identity card, but as a lesbian and a feminist...well, I think I know what a woman feels like.

So how dare anyone tell me what it is to be one.
I will admit that maybe (just maybe) my presentation does not exactly adhere to the stereotype by which one would judge femininity, but gender isn't how you look, it's how you feel.
And besides, why, as an empowered and independent female, would I bother presenting myself in a way that would be judged "feminine" when the idea of femininity was constructed in order to oppress women to begin with?

So yes. I am a woman, though unconventionally so.
And it's better that way. Why conventionalize your own identity, or any identity at all?
Diversification and queering of the feminist movement. It's real. It's here. So lock up your daughters.
Or don't.