I'm currently having a bit of trouble trying to condense the ridiculous ups and downs of my weekend into a single entry.
Short version:
1. I think I'm going to get ink poisoning from having my hands marked every time I go out. I got made fun of by a bouncer at Town. That's how you know.
2. Home isn't over for me yet.
3. The Ting Tings/HotTub will change your life.
4. D.C. is fantastic. Thank God for marches on the Pentagon and Guernica signs and shouting at buildings and making up for missed opportunities.
4. Time slows down on a sun high.
4a. The steps of Katzen Arts Center, and now subsequently my body, are covered in some sort of weird chalky substance. Do not fall asleep there.
#3 will probably be expanded upon in a later post, because they really were phenomenal. Seeing both bands reminded me of how I felt when I saw Tilly and the Wall right before leaving for school, and that was pretty significant. So...that will be given attention at some point.
The indirect re-introduction of some characters into my life this weekend brought me to some really unsettling conclusions about the way all my problems from home are very strongly connected.
The main point is that you should not be a janky homophobe.
It's not just your overt disposition toward the LGBTQ community. It's not always violence (both physical and systematic) and offensive language and the like. It's the subtle things that pervade our lives. It's indirect exclusion and slowly losing everyone in your life, and feeling unwelcome in their houses once you get them back. It's gossip and sneers and seeing the disdain of other people's parents reflected in the reaction of my parents when I finally came out. It's the I-don't-mind-gay-people-but-thank-God-that's-not-my-child. Because you know what? If you wouldn't accept your child as queer, then you do not accept queer people. And you need to accept that.
In short, home is hitting too close to home, and somewhere along the line the only rational and mature decision I could manage to make became promising to completley cut people out of my life, and that is a damn shame.
It's not all bad though, because home-induced blues come and go and can always be ameliorated by a weekend on the DC gay club circuit. Welcome back to my life, Apex. I missed your lasers and sticky floors and shirtless men dancing with themselves in the mirror.
Wait, did I? (Yes, kind of, actually).
A day spent lounging on the steps of Katzen didn't hurt either.
Just when I was about to be freaked out by the perpetual motion of the earth and that whole recurring panic about everything moving too fast, time slowed. And it didn't just slow, it swayed and lingered and wrapped me up in a dreamy sun-induced daze.
Also all that chalky shit that's on me now.
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wait, a life in slow motion would make shuttle waits so much longer.
ReplyDeletei would hope home's not all bad. but yeah, people are often douchier than they know. or maybe the scary thing is they know exactly how douchey they are.
ReplyDelete1. Shuttle rides are unnecessary when it's nice enough to walk.
ReplyDelete2. It's not all bad. I mean, a lot of it is in my control. As I mentioned, I just have to avoid everyone whom I said I would, but I suppose that's easier said than done. But yeah, I think the worst kind of ignorance is the kind that isn't self-aware because it's so much harder to fight.